난이도: 중급
간단한 퀴즈: 아래 문장에는 단어가 21개 있습니다. 뜻을 그대로 유지하면서 단어 수를 4개 줄일 수 있을까요?
"There are several reports that suggest a slight reduction in sugar intake could possibly extend one’s lifespan by about 1-3 years."
(설탕 섭취량을 약간 감소시킴으로써 수명을 약 1-3년 정도 연장할 수 있다고 제안하는 몇몇 보고가 있다.)
이 문장이 장황하기 때문에, 단어의 수를 줄일 수 있습니다.
“장황한” 문장은 주장을 표현하는 데 너무 많은 단어를 사용하는 문장입니다. 작은 수의 단어만으로 자신의 주장을 하는 것 즉, 간결하게 쓰는 것은 모든 종류의 영작에서 좋은 어법이라고 간주됩니다. 게다가 문장을 간결하게 쓰면 주로 공간이 제한된 부분, 특히 초록에서 단어 수를 맞추기가 쉽습니다.
장황함을 피할 수 있는 세 가지 방법을 살펴보겠습니다.
수정하기: "There is/are [명사] that [동사]..."
장황한 문장: There are several studies that suggest a positive association between more moderate exercise in childhood and bone density. (유년기의 적당한 운동과 골밀도 간의 긍정적인 관계를 암시하는 여러 연구가 있습니다.)
간결한 문장: Several studies suggest a positive association between more moderate exercise in childhood and bone density.
설명: 위의 어구들은 정확하게 같은 의미를 가지고 있지만, 밑에 있는 문장은 단어 수가 3개나 적습니다!
제거하기: 같은 개념을 반복하고 있는 단어들
장황한 문장: This effect could possibly be explained by alternations in biomechanical forces present in the device. (이 효과는 장치에 있는 생화학적 힘의 교체로 설명할 수 있다.)
간결한 문장: This effect could be explained by alternations in biomechanical forces present in the device..
설명: '가능하다'라는 개념이 “could”와 “possibly”로 중복되어 나왔기 때문에 ‘possibly’를 삭제하면 됩니다.
장황한 문장: The nanotubes had an inner diameter of about 60-70 nm. (나노튜브는 내경이 약 60-70 nm였다.)
간결한 문장: The nanotubes had an inner diameter of 60-70 nm.
설명: 숫자 범위를 표시해 두었기 때문에 "about"의 개념이 이미 나온 셈입니다.
장황한 문장: The melting point is very critical to consider for welding materials. (융점은 용접 재료를 고려할 때 매우 중요한 것입니다.)
간결한 문장: The melting point is critical to consider for welding materials.
설명: ‘critical’이라는 단어에는 이미 ‘very' 또는 'extremely’라는 개념이 들어 있습니다.
수정하기: “Due to the fact that (..라는 사실 때문에), ” “Based on the fact that (..라는 사실에 근거하여), ” “In light of the fact that (..라는 사실에 비추어)” 등
이 단어들은 거의 언제나 더 간단하고 읽기 쉬운 단어인 “because”로 대체할 수 있습니다.
장황한 문장: WordNet has been successful based on the fact that it is available on-line, it is free of charge, and it is a dictionary based on concepts: i.e., it provides much more than just an alphabetic list of words. (워드넷은 온라인에서 사용할 수 있고, 무료이며, 개념에 근거한 사전이기 때문에 성공을 거두어 왔습니다. 즉, 단순한 알파벳 목록 이상의 많은 것을 제공합니다.)
간결한 문장: WordNet has been successful because it is available on-line, it is free of charge, and it is a dictionary based on concepts: i.e., it provides much more than just an alphabetic list of words.
장황한 문장: However, due to the fact that drug conjugates are utilized as the capture and detection molecules, this type of assay is susceptible to drug and target interference. (그러나 약제 결합체가 포획 및 감지 분자로 활용되기 때문에, 이런 유형의 시금은 약물 및 대상 방해에 영향을 받을 수 있습니다.)
간결한 문장: However, since drug conjugates are utilized as the capture and detection molecules, this type of assay is susceptible to drug and target interference.
이제 시도해 보세요: 이 tip 제일 앞에 있었던 장황한 문장을 보다 간결한 문장으로 수정할 수 있으신가요? 정답을 보시려면 마우스를 끌어서 아래 텍스트를 선택하세요.
“Several reports suggest that a slight reduction in sugar intake could extend one’s lifespan by 1-3 years."
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장황함을 피하기
Uni-edit English Writing Tip 009
Reducing wordiness
Difficulty: Medium
Quick quiz: There are 21 words in the sentence below. Can you reduce it by 4 words while retaining the same meaning?
"There are several reports that suggest a slight reduction in sugar intake could possibly extend one’s lifespan by about 1-3 years."
Because this sentence is wordy, yes, you can reduce the number of words.
Sentences that are “wordy” use too many words to make their point. Making your point using few words—i.e. writing concisely—is considered good style in all forms of English writing. In addition, writing concisely makes it easy to meet word counts, especially in the Abstract, where space is usually limited.
Let’s look at three ways to reduce wordiness.
Revise: “There is/are [noun] that [verb]…”
Wordy: There are several studies that suggest a positive association between more moderate exercise in childhood and bone density.
Concise: Several studies suggest a positive association between more moderate exercise in childhood and bone density.
Explanation: The phrases are exactly equivalent in meaning, but the lower version uses three fewer words!
Remove: Conceptually redundant words
Wordy: This effect could possibly be explained by alternations in biomechanical forces present in the device.
Concise: This effect could be explained by alternations in biomechanical forces present in the device.
Explanation: The idea of ‘possibility’ is duplicated in ‘could’ and ‘possibly’, so ‘possibly’ can be deleted.
Wordy: The nanotubes had an inner diameter of about 60-70 nm.
Concise: The nanotubes had an inner diameter of 60-70 nm.
Explanation: The idea of “about” is implied by including a range of numbers.
Wordy: The melting point is very critical to consider for welding materials.
Concise: The melting point is critical to consider for welding materials.
Explanation: The idea of ‘very; extremely’ is implied by the word ‘critical’.
Revise: “Due to the fact that”, “Based on the fact that”, “In light of the fact that”, etc.
These words can almost always be replaced with “because” for a simpler, easier-to-read sentence.
Wordy: WordNet has been successful based on the fact that it is available on-line, it is free of charge, and it is a dictionary based on concepts: i.e., it provides much more than just an alphabetic list of words.
Concise: WordNet has been successful because it is available on-line, it is free of charge, and it is a dictionary based on concepts: i.e., it provides much more than just an alphabetic list of words.
Wordy: However, due to the fact that drug conjugates are utilized as the capture and detection molecules, this type of assay is susceptible to drug and target interference.
Concise: However, since drug conjugates are utilized as the capture and detection molecules, this type of assay is susceptible to drug and target interference.
Now you try: Can you make the wordy sentence at the start of the tip more concise? Select the text below with your mouse to uncover the answer.
“Several reports suggest that a slight reduction in sugar intake could extend one’s lifespan by 1-3 years."